"I will never own a mini-van!" I boldly proclaimed right after having our twin girls.
Three years later.
"Great doing business with you!" I said to the nice sales rep. "This is exactly the van we wanted!"
Yes, today, we fell into line with the rest of you morons, and became a mini-van clan. Just two years ago I was driving a brand new, fast, hot, 405hp Corvette. The envy of everyone at every red light I stopped at. Plus, I owned a bright red, double cab Toyota Tacoma that made Home Depot visits a breeze.
But life is different now with twins and another child to arrive any day. The Vett was sold last year, and today the truck is on the market. All dignity has been lost. My kids have finally completely taken over. Nothing is sacred.
The mini-van clan is moving forward full-steam ahead and the forecast shows no signs of change. I feel dizzy, lightheaded and confused. My world is going dark....
What's really scary, is we both actually got excited about this thing too. Before I knew it, even I was talking non-stop about all we could do with this mini-van. The trips we could take with fewer stops, the openness of the windows, the smooth ride and the family fun to be had! Almost as if I was trying to convince my male psyche that stacking bags of mulch into the back of this thing in the parking lot of Lowes really wasn't gonna be so bad.
From what I heard from numerous car salesmen, I was simply one of many men who eventually succumb to taking the proverbial walk down "Daddy Vehicle Lane". Right past the 300hp sedans, the incredible dual cab trucks, the new hot rod sports cars, all the way straight to "MiniVan Parkway".
And just like many before me, and many who too will follow, my walk ended with me driving a minivan right out of the parking lot. All the while, a timid look of joy on the face of another dad who has no idea when life as he knew it would ever return.
Now I guess I get to start saying I am the husband of one of those hot minivan moms.
Never say never.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Grandparents Detox
I don't get it.
The key word in Grandparents is GRAND. Yet, for some reason as soon as we (their kids) have kids, these people seem to suddenly lose all sense of the second half of the word - PARENT.
How is it that almost overnight these people, who have years of dealing with and handling children of all ages, appear to be clueless about nap times, night time, food, sugar, clothes spankings, and more.
Most of us recall our parents saying "Just you wait until you have kids!". I guess this is all part of their master, GRAND plan. Spoil the grandchild and you repay your child.
Oh how I wish I would have never missed my curfew, or maintained straight As, never talked back and avoided the troubles I put them through. Maybe then when my two year olds come back for a few days with the Gparents, I would not feel their wrath.
As a friend recently called it....this is Grandparents Detox.
Kids that once new when nigh-night time was. Kids that once knew that you could not eat cookies before dinner. Kids that once knew watching Leno as a toddler was out of the question. Kids that once knew screaming and kicking would get you nowhere. These kids have to be retrained each and every time.
Suddenly all rules are gone, all sense of rational parenting has disappeared and we are left with 3 days of withdrawl and pain.
In the end, it makes you realize just how smart our parents have always been. The older I get the more I come to grips with the reality that mom and dad truly are smarter than anyone I know.
Now our kids are their bank and the withdraws we made for years are all being returned, one weekend at the GrandParents at a time.
This is Grandparents Detox. Enjoy.
The key word in Grandparents is GRAND. Yet, for some reason as soon as we (their kids) have kids, these people seem to suddenly lose all sense of the second half of the word - PARENT.
How is it that almost overnight these people, who have years of dealing with and handling children of all ages, appear to be clueless about nap times, night time, food, sugar, clothes spankings, and more.
Most of us recall our parents saying "Just you wait until you have kids!". I guess this is all part of their master, GRAND plan. Spoil the grandchild and you repay your child.
Oh how I wish I would have never missed my curfew, or maintained straight As, never talked back and avoided the troubles I put them through. Maybe then when my two year olds come back for a few days with the Gparents, I would not feel their wrath.
As a friend recently called it....this is Grandparents Detox.
Kids that once new when nigh-night time was. Kids that once knew that you could not eat cookies before dinner. Kids that once knew watching Leno as a toddler was out of the question. Kids that once knew screaming and kicking would get you nowhere. These kids have to be retrained each and every time.
Suddenly all rules are gone, all sense of rational parenting has disappeared and we are left with 3 days of withdrawl and pain.
In the end, it makes you realize just how smart our parents have always been. The older I get the more I come to grips with the reality that mom and dad truly are smarter than anyone I know.
Now our kids are their bank and the withdraws we made for years are all being returned, one weekend at the GrandParents at a time.
This is Grandparents Detox. Enjoy.
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